DIFFER Workbook

Differing, to disagree with an opinion, belief, or suggested course of action, is an essential skill for all employees. Without being able to disagree and effectively present your opinion, employees can not shape an organization. The challenge is to differ with high impact while maintaining good relationships with those you disagree with. Let’s call this disagreeing agreeably.

Susan Heitler, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who developed a simple process for mastering differing, which she calls the Triple A formula for disagreeing agreeably. The three steps are:

In the agree step, you identify some aspect of what was said that you agree with or appreciate. The easiest way to form an agreement statement is to start with the word yes. “Yes, I agree that_______ [causes, is, ensures, etc.] _______. For example, you might say, “I agree that installing a new enterprise system would improve our visibility to cost and sales.” By identifying some some aspect of what was said, you build rapport and maintain the speaker’s self-esteem.

In the augment step, you elaborate on an aspect of what you’ve heard that what you agree with. The augment step provides you with time to digest what you have heard. By offering an instance that builds on the point you just heard further assures the associate that you really do understand the importance of their point of view. This is one example: “In fact a new enterprise system would allow us to save money and improve costs.” Augmenting conveys the feeling that you are both committed to a common outcome or at least are sitting on the same side of the table.

In the add step, you add your differing information to the original point in an agreeable and collaborative way. For example, you could say this: “At the same time we have to closely manage the capital budget, which makes funds tight and would make purchasing the system this year difficult. We should figure out how to get it in the budget next year.” Adding allows you to covey you points of view without diminishing theirs.

Eliminate the introductory linking word "but." It’s particularly damaging, and it negates the positive momentum you have created in the agreement and augmentation steps. On the other hand, and or at the same time are received positively. By adding rather than taking away from the point your associate has made, you establish your position and the other person’s as both being valid and worthy of consideration.

This exercise requires a tv, remote, and about 15 minutes. Turn on a cable news channel that has commentators presenting their opinions. Listen for 90 seconds, then hit pause. Use Susan Heitler’s Triple A technique to formulate and present your response.