ACKNOWLEDGE Workbook

There seems to be a negative tendency among many people to focus first on what’s wrong with someone’s idea and then later consider what might be right about it. Focusing on the negative first hurts relationships, kills potentially good new ideas, and reduces team effectiveness. People become frustrated and develop a “what’s the use” attitude. Being critical and cynical become the in thing to do.

The more effective alternative approach is to acknowledge what the person has told you so they know you understand what they said and recognize how they feel.

The evidence for acknowledging effectiveness is pervasive. In his book Studies in Labor-Management Negotiations, Marshall Rosenberg demonstrates that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to repeat what the previous speaker had said.

To capture the power of acknowledging, do the following:

When you parrot something, you demonstrate you’ve listened and care. When you paraphrase something, you acknowledge the person’s feelings setting the stage for empathy.

To maximize the effectiveness of paraphrasing, first, be sure you don’t show disagreement with what the person has said. Second, make certain your words do not change the person’s meaning. Finally, use questions or statements to summarize and confirm your understanding.

Making parroting and paraphrasing an essential part of your communications requires short practice sessions over an extended period.

Each day, review the following list of acknowledging phrases. Read them out loud.

Then, write down three phrases you’ll use three times daily during your interactions with others. Make sure you take the technique home with you. Do this for ten days straight.